it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
