Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Drake has all the answers
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
