I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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