My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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