the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
