I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
