Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
