dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
