i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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