If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Holy shit dude........stairs
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize