don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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