Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
