we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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