I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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