He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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