I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize