I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
