you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize