I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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