Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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