Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize