just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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