I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i've created a new STD.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
