You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
