He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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