i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
