I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
