is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize