you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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