how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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