one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
