did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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