You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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