sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
