I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
