why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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