He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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