i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
