FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
