Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
