This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
