At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize