If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
