i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
