Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
