How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
