Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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