i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
