32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
