She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
