the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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