I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
