Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
