Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
