She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
