I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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