Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
