I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
