I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
