Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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