I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
third nipple confirmed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
