When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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