Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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