i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
